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1.局花* b0 `% z. c; i% J7 w# \
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
3 W/ w" c8 O! P" ]6 v4 {- K# K心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，$ i# V3 M9 t* x9 B/ ?: a5 J0 X
小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。
, {2 _: i7 W4 f4 J7 b评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么# {- [. c6 [' [1 ]# {+ E: Q( ]
. G: ?. t X$ I8 Z& S, a3 T$ a3 h2.媳妇& a( o" M, p; p2 H$ a
10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。
+ l9 u+ J- G7 Q" q他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”
. n) b, p! m# }9 u* s( I% ]2 d谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
, t% t- S g2 @! q6 p评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺
1 |0 x! p; w' D# b# Q- a
# r% w4 }. C$ M" Y( M- x3.倒贴
, V# a% p3 T, N: X7 Y0 g过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。2 L' \7 y! J% g$ z
于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。/ c* i7 V/ W9 }
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”2 a0 u q( L0 X: F2 g% E/ P
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”4 r- ~$ i1 f8 v+ ~/ w, q& o6 }" t
话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，" Z+ \; l8 _' H
“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
( @8 t3 Q" I) X& s4 A' u评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊
4 g7 U' C$ }4 \6 A1 s" x8 w, d% k! V, [
4.刺激
$ c4 ^7 p' j6 r. v$ @今天我走在街上，9 g8 V9 @1 Q$ U3 M- `
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺
7 c, e: F$ ] n6 i2 Q4 b% T，我心想完了。9 Z7 }8 [) t9 N L3 h3 P9 ~. q
过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。; X K& w" j1 p& i- R; L
“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。
1 h, g" A1 i! M尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！5 `) h, n, V8 d/ e5 n- }# v
评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激; A/ [% K2 H/ h( n( _' ]
% Z0 x# f+ ~* g/ V/ k2 k& z
5.不加倍
( H0 o, m9 |' ]5 g小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，
4 C, M+ g* j8 V r5 q7 e: h今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。
$ [1 F; D1 Z6 g/ V( p, R$ F老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”" A( L; K8 I2 q% Q$ [/ v. D
小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”
' }9 D% f9 v2 W6 _& a$ r小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”: K2 U) K) X0 ^ }: }. t# o
评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的
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